Posts tagged ‘stupid’
1. I am very detail-oreinted.
2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
5. It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
8. If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
9. My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
19. I am a rabid typist.
20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
27. Special skills: Thyping.
28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
29. I can play well with others.
30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
35. I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
41. Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
42. Referees available upon request.
43. Previous rank: Senior instigator.
44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
47. Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
49. Strengths: Impersonal skills.
50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
52. Vocational plans: Sea World.
[Via - MadConomist.Com]
Not Your Ordinary Bum - Homeless man is chess king of Washington
MARYSVILLE, Calif. (AP) - A 54-year-old woman was recovering in the hospital after being hit by a Union Pacific freight train south of Marysville.
Deborah Thompson told authorities afterward that she drank a bottle of whiskey before she wandered to the railroad tracks and tried to wave the train to a stop. When asked why, she told Yuba County sheriff’s deputies she was just being silly.
Instead, the train hit her and knocked her 20 to 30 yards.
Thompson suffered head injuries and a fractured thigh bone but was conscious and talking after the accident.
[Via - Excite News]
University Of Georgia Asks Stadium Fans Not to Flush
Four-year-old Long Branch Elementary School student Zacari found himself in the home of a different family and in the middle of an unusual mix-up Tuesday, WJXT-TV in Jacksonville reported.
After school Tuesday, a grandfather went to Long Branch to pick up his grandson but wound up taking Zacari home by mistake.”I went to his house,” Zacari told Channel 4.Zacari’s mother, Latoia Gillis, said “They don’t have the same name. They don’t even look alike.”Apparently,to the 77-year-old grandfather, the boy did look like his grandson, and the man put Zacari on his bike and rode home.”We were riding a bicycle, and he had to pick me up and put me in the middle,” Zacari said.
“All the way from Long Branch to Main Street on a bicycle with a man who is 77 years old?” Gillis said, still in shock.Zacari said that when they got to the man’s house, it was the man’s wife who realized the mistake.”She said, ‘You got the wrong kid,’” Zacari said.Back at the school, Zacari’s aunt had come to pick him up and was panicked to learn her nephew was already gone.”
I was thinking the worst. I was crying. I was shaking,” said Zacari’s aunt.Fortunately, the man who picked up the 4-year-old was on his way back to the school with an unharmed Zacari.Zacari’s family said it wants to make sure another such mix-up never happens again.”I just want it to be a wake-up call. I’m very lucky to have my son back,” Gillis said.
Gillis said that at the beginning of the school year, she filled out a form that included a list of names and contact numbers of the people with whom her son was allowed to go home.A school district representative said protocol was not followed in Tuesday’s mix-up, and that the teachers involved would face disciplinary action.As a result of Zacaris’s ride with a stranger, district policy was immediately changed. Pre-K teachers will be required to check identification before allowing people to collect their youngsters from school.
[Via - WSBTV]
Who Is Shawn Casey? Is He For Real?
Urgently Need Cool Domain Name Ideas, Will Pay For Your Suggestions